we all end up at the hospital, waiting to go

As a frequent viewer of Transit TV, not by choice but by circumstance, I noticed an ad for an essay contest. There was a 500 dollar reward for the best essay that described a positive experience on the metro. Thought it would be entertaining to submit a satirical essay for them. Wrote something very fast on the bus and didnt bother to do any editing or rewriting. Submitted it this morning, here it is in it's rough one draft entirety.

Transit TV Essay Writing Contest

unwillingly aborted only inches after last call, i was alone with nothing but the stale air of early morning los angeles and the fermented juices trapped in my bowels eagerly itching to make an escape,
i had no friends but phone booths and vagabonds, who shared nothing in common other than the need for quarters my suit pockets no longer housed,
i wandered in the dark until i saw a light at the end of the tunnel,
my heavy feet and beat eyes couldn't be more fortunate to catch sight of my armored stead, my savior,
the bus stopped before me and i crawled up the mountainous entrance, remembering my fond appreciation for hand rails, balancing my self sane enough to see straight,
the drivers kindness was stomach settling in retort to my twisted explanation of me being lost and empty pocketed.
he let out a chuckle of charity and closed the doors behind me, he had a beautiful smile beneath that musky ethnic Christmas tree mustache,
it wasn't until i reached the back of the nearly desolate bus that i came to realize i was headed in the wrong direction
i felt passive as i curled up and smelt the solidarity of expired urine and fast food wrappers,
the passing of city lights brought reminiscent feelings of meteor shower picnics and smoking grass in college dorm rooms to the viewing of 2001 space odyssey,
i cursed the name of every saint and patron of christian chemistry for my misfortune before comfortably falling into slumber on the arm of the metro link