EYEfaceFUCKEDtheGODfearingMAN withMYknifeDICK

Repetitious phrases used on a daily basis in verbal or mental conversation, that I'm really getting sick of:

on waking up (and seeing the alarm clock)
"FUCK!"
"I hate my life"
"shouldn't had stayed up so late last night."
"really wish i hadn't drank last night."
"so tired"
"I can't believe because I overslept 15 minutes I'm going to be an hour and a half late to work..."
"this is bullshit"
"i should just quit my job..."
"cant believe its time to get up"
"i so don't want to be awake right now,"
on my hangover
"I feel like shit"
"this sucks"
"Why do I do this to myself"
"sooo hung-over"
"I need a drink"
"coffee...."
"need orange juice"
"my mouth is so dry"
on my work commute
"I fucking hate the bus"
"I hate people"
"it smells like shit in here"
"I cant believe I'm going to miss my next bus"
"why are you driving so slow?"
"FUCK!"
"this is bullshit"
"I'm so cold"
on my (sloppy) work entrance (in which my boss is conveniently right by my desk)
"I'm sorry I'm late"
"bus broke down"
"missed the bus"
"woke up late"
"wont happen again"
on my finances
"I just have to get out of debt"
"fuck, I need a car"
"how is it I can't afford a pack of smokes right now?"
"I don't know where the fuck I'm going to live"
"I need to stop buying so much booze!"
"I'm so broke"
"I'm such an idiot"
on myself
"I hate people"
"I smoke too much"
"I hate my life"
"I drink too much"
"I hate myself"
"somebody kill me"
"I can't write for shit"
"I'm going to die alone"
"I have a tiny dick"
"FUCK MY LIFE!"
"I'm so fat"
"I need someone"
"I'm never going to meet anyone"
"how can a ugly bastard like myself ever get laid?"
"I'm going to get fired"
"I hate myself and I want to die"
on life in general
"no god"
"no love"
"no hope"
"nothing lasts"
"we all die"
"life sucks"
"we are all slaves"
"no one is ever going to do anything about anything"
"fuck the man"
"I am always going to be unhappy"

how i became man:
a brief tale of my own gradual yet inevitable realization of adulthood
(this does not include "everything", because that would be fucking impossible, i aint about to write no god damn book)

I: It came slowly (oh, now i get it! sweet!) - teen

Epiphany:
I am alive, I exist
There are alternatives to everything; most importantly philosophies, attitudes and life styles, we all don't have to be cookie cut outs of each other.
There is no god, no use in being a god fearing man.
People rely too much on faith and the good will of others.
It's important to be creative.
Just because people are older doesn’t mean they are smarter.
Education is extremely relevant, even though school is lame.
Art/Music is everything.
Sex is awesome.
I am co-dependant.
The world, our country and people aren't as good as they seem.
We don’t have to play by the rules.
There is a difference between real friends, people who want to use you and drug buddies.
I am addicted to drugs and alcohol. I will live with this forever. There is no solution; you can only try your best to fight it.
How or what people think about you is not what life is all about.
It's better to be abnormal than normal.
Love is a human necessity as important as shelter and food.
Life sucks but it's worth living. Dying is inevitable, no reason to rush it. Permanent solutions to temporary problems are impractical.
Insecurity is something everyone has and that we are what we see ourselves as. The whole world is not judging you, you're not that important.
You need to have a job.
There’s more to life than getting fucked up.
Anything I want, I have to buy
There is more to relationships than sex, but sex is important.
It’s important to have good morals and be good to people.
Action:
Lost my virginity.
Got a job.
Actually graduated high school (thanks to continuation high school and gracious english teachers) Turned 18.
Was legally allowed to buy cigarettes and get arrested
Went to college but only went two semesters.
Got a bank account
Got a drivers license
Sobered up, twelve step programs, counseling, bullshit, in patient, out patient, all that jazz
Learned to control my own habits and my own emotions.
Stop taking psych-related medication.
I fell in love and found out what it was like to have someone and be someone's someone
Got first hand experience with the human body and got a further grasp on sexual organs and pleasuring techniques
Learned about the human brain and the mind and got a further grasp on how it can be manipulated and explored though use of substances.

II: Progress (woah shits gettin real dude! freedom isn't free!) - eighteen to nineteen

Epiphany:
Faith is not a bad thing, I just can't commit to it. It's not for me.
You make yourself insane. It's all in the way you look at things.
Everyone has there own opinions, there is no right and wrong on such subjects.
Parents are people and you should respect them for the years of bullshit you give em. Raising kids must be incredibly hard.
Education is more than relevant, its the only way to evolve as a human being.
Maintaining a secure income is essential to human survival
Everything you do is okay as long as its done in moderation
Being with people is complex. people are complex.
I'm a hard person to be around.
You have to conform in modern day society. We are slaves.
Cash rules everything around me.
I am an uncomfortable man.
Hard work makes you look good and helps you move up in the work force. (somewhat)
Action:
Got a car, and paid it off (it was later destroyed, and not by me)
Earned "seniority" in the work force
Held two jobs
Got credit cards, maxed them out, paid them off
Built credit.
Got past the lust stage and managed to cradle a relationship into "long term" status

III: Further exploration (the balance beam of freedom, partying, happiness and being financially secure) - twenty

Epiphany:
Everyone changes
We won’t always be into what we're into now.
Credit is important.
Be independent, you have to some day.
You are not a kid anymore.
No one or anything is perfect
I'm not always in the right with my actions and emotions can drive you to do things that are irrational.
You have to compromise (not entirely) your own beliefs/thoughts/traits to fit into a high paying fast paced work force
There is a difference between “lust”, "love" and "comfort".
Drugs aren’t as good as you want them to be.
I very much dislike the humanrace.
People you know can die. We are not indestructible. One night of getting high can be your last night alive.
Everyone is connected.
The position someone holds in society/workforce/friendship doesn’t necessarily mean they qualify.
You can be whatever you want to be if you apply effort.
Action:
Moved out of my parents house.
Changed my address.
Changed my banking info.
Got a new drivers license and ID.
Maintained an apartment for a year.
Lived in a city in which i knew no one.
Paid for everything I needed, clothed myself, cooked for myself, boozed myself up.
Switched from blue collar to white collar, got an office job.
Got health insurance.
Paid bills.
Turned 21, was allowed into bars and anywhere I wanted to go.

IV: Realization (it snuck up slow and took over too quick, where has it all gone?) - I AM ADULT!

Epiphany:
We have to play by the rules but we need to bend them as much as possible
Nothing in life is permanent. Not even love.
We are all suffering
Happiness is hard to find and doesn’t last long
You are going to be in debt forever.
When it really comes down to it, the only person you can rely on is yourself. All you really have is you. You are alone in the world. No one is going to help you.
You make your own reality.
If you don't take care of yourself no one will.
I am not perfect.
I am not great at what I do but I must try as hard as I can to be good. This goes for all things, not just creativity but in the workforce, in relationships, etc.
The only way to get what you want is to get it. Things aren't going to just happen.
The only way to meet people is to try.
Feeling sorry for yourself leads to nothing but people thinking you're a bitch.
You're always going to be self loathing, there is nothing you can do to impress yourself.
You will never be satisfied. When you get what you want, you want something else.
If you don't do what your employers want they will find someone else to do it
It's better to be reserved than vulnerable - you must limit the amount of personal information or emotion you invest in others
You are not special. Everyone is human, struggling to survive.
You have to play the game, or you are going to die. You need to work. True rebels end up dead, homeless, in insane asylums or jail.
Networking is essential to following your dreams
You need to find out what you "do" and do it as best as you can. You must have a trade, craft or art.
You can't procrastinate anymore.
You need to be educated. You need to be smarter than other people. It's all you can do to be better.
Suck the corporate dick, but still have heart and passion for something in the "real" world.
You have to take out loans.
I spend too much money on alcohol.
Drinking legally and going to bars is a novelty and no different than drinking in an alley.
You have to make employers take you seriously.
When you’re 21 you’re too old for teen parties and too young for adult parties.
This how it will always be.
Action:
Suck it up. This is the rest of your life. Live